Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
50% drunk capacity currently
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
40s are totally the cure
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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