there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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