You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
