Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
