What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
