I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
