every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
