ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
