he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
