It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
