he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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