CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
