either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
