Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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