So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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