I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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