Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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