I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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