my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
