We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
