woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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