AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
