Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Vodka?
Forever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
