Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
