This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
