omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
