The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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