Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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