I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
