I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
barbara walters just said penis...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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