Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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