Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My feet surprised me
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