They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
