God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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