You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
