Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
