And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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