either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
