so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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