good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
