I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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