does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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