If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I take back everything I said about communal showers
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Randomize
