Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
