and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
When are your genitals available?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
