You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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