It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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