yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
