dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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