please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
